Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?: and Other Scottish Jokes - Softcover

Scotland is an amazing, unique country with so much to celebrate: spectacular islands, mountains, glens and lochs; a wonderful culture of music, poetry and dance; a proud, though sometimes tragic history; a national football squad that can hold its own against some of the best Girl Guide teams in the world...Then there's haggis, the Loch Ness Monster, the kilt, whisky, Irn-Bru, heather, thistles, bagpipes and so on...But there's one thing the Scots as a nation do particularly well: they take the piss out of all of this! Yes - when the Scots tell a joke it's usually at their own expense. So this collection of gems pokes fun at just about everyone and everything from kilts and haggis through footie and thriftiness to Sassenachs, Teeries, and Glaswegians. Some of the jokes are old favourites retold, some are brand new, and some are a few specimens found on that internet thingy which have been massaged to make them almost funny.Two salmon were in a tank. One said to the other, "Archie, do you know how to drive this thing?"Why do Aberdonian farmers wear kilts?Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.A

Scotsman walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. "Awa ye eijit, can yeh no tell that's foo o coos keich?!" (Begone you idiot, can't you tell it's full of cow shit?!) The man shouts back, "I'm English. Speack English, I don't understand you!" to which the Scotsman replies heartily, "I said use both hands, you'll get more in!"